


Absolution

by Kas0114



Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: After CA:CW, Angst, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Dialogue Heavy, Everyone Has Issues, Everyone has feelings, Guaranteed happy ending, Guilt, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Slow Build, Steve Rogers trying to get his life together, Tony Stark trying to get his thoughts and life together, eventual OT3, suicide ideation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-27
Updated: 2016-11-12
Packaged: 2018-07-27 01:07:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,251
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7597372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kas0114/pseuds/Kas0114
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony Stark is forced to take refuge in Wakanda after the Accords come back to bite him in the ass. Once there, he struggles to come to terms with his situation and reconcile with the former Winter Soldier, James Buchanan Barnes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Revelation

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. Here is another story, this time set about six months after Captain America: Civil War. Obviously there will be spoilers herein, so please act accordingly. This was originally going to be a one shot, but I got inspiration to continue writing and at the moment it's about 8 chapters in. This is a lot darker and more angst-ridden than what I usually write, so I am a bit nervous about it. As always, please let me know if you like it and how I might improve!
> 
> Less important ramble to follow: As the tags suggest, this is going to be a very slow build, like, really slow. I went into this without any real goals other than to eventually establish a relationship between my three boys after the events of Civil War. I was actually a little upset how they went about the relationship between Tony and Bucky, not from an OT3 standpoint, but just as someone who has read the comics, really appreciated that theme and then seen the movie. One: Bucky punches no one's dick, so that was disappointing. Beyond that, I don't think the MCU will follow in the vein of Tony helping Bucky to come to terms with himself like Tony kinda does in the comics, so this is my little self-indulgent fic to make that happen. Because of the nature of the fic, there's some pretty dark themes that I tried to tag. I'll also put warnings in the notes before chapters.
> 
> Warnings for this Chapter: Non-graphic descriptions of torture, and mentions of suicide
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy this and please leave a kudos or a comment to let me know you did!

 

The last thing Tony expected to find in Wakanda was a cryogenically frozen James Buchanan Barnes. Granted, he had also not expected to find the other missing half of the Avengers team, or a giant black panther statue, but James Barnes, frozen in a clinically white tube, really took the cake.

When General Ross had dropped him like a hot potato and told him the tech he provided to help Rhodey walk was not legal under the Accords unless he provided the same exoskeleton technology to the military, it proved invariably that agendas did change, even if those agendas were printed on paper and agreed on by 117 countries. Tony wasn't naive, he knew that Ross had underlying motivations, but the inflexibility of his team had left him in a tight spot. He couldn't vie for changes when he was the only one who wanted them. He was important, but not that important. Tony had been angry, a little vindictive, and certainly not excited to be contacting Steve Rogers. However, he was so worried for Rhodey's safety, that he was able to swallow his misgivings and pride to call his betrayer. It didn't mean he had forgiven the man, and it certainly didn't mean he trusted him, just that he needed help and Steve could give it.

He was not surprised to get called to Wakanda, though he was surprised to see Steve still there when he arrived. He was surprised by the warm, friendly way Steve greeted him, and the quiet respect afforded to him by the rest of the team. It seemed no one intended to exact their revenge up front. T'Challa was acting as if he was not in direct violation of the accords that he himself had urged to be put into place. Despite the warm welcome, Tony couldn't forget these things so easily. It would be disrespectful to everything he had done and gone through thus far, and not to mention afforded Steve with much too much slack.

Still, he was reserved with Steve. He wanted to tell the man off, but he needed a safe place for Rhodey to be, so he was civil. By being civil, he mainly avoided the man like the plague he was. He was sure, even without words, that he had made it pretty clear to Steve how he felt about his decisions. For his credit, Steve didn't fight him or grovel, just let Tony be. Tony wasn't sure if he would have forgiven Steve even if he had hunted Tony down and apologized. He would not have been swayed if Steve had gotten on his knees and begged forgiveness. He would not have repented himself even if Steve had tried to beat him down a second time. Knowing that, he avoided Steve, avoided any trace of him and in so doing, he ended up on a side of T'Challa's palace that clearly no one was intended to be on.

It looked like a medical wing, but small, probably reserved only for T'Challa and his personal staff and guards. At that peaceful moment in Wakanda, no one was there, if Tony didn't count the tiny automated robot cleaners, and he didn't. Finally alone, he wandered the halls, marveling at Wakandan medical technology and wondering if any of it could help Rhodey's legs.

Eventually, he made his way down into what felt like a morgue. It was much colder down on the lower level than the one above it, though not anymore dark. It was not at all like descending the levels of a hospital until you found the bowels of where they kept the dead, though judging by the content of some rooms, this is what this place had to have been at one point.

Continuing his wanderings, Tony came across a strange room. The doors were locked, reinforced steel, or maybe even vibranium, it was anyone's guess in Wakanda. The rare metal was practically used as tin foil. There were cameras monitoring directly in front of the door, where they had been absent in the rest of the hall, their little lights flashing red to indicate they were on and recording. There was an electronic lock with a keypad on the door as well, though compared to everything else in the room, it seemed rather old-fashioned. Tony could easily hack it if he wished to and he very much wanted to.

Tony was entirely tired of people hiding things from him and having to hide things from others. He was tired of secrets. He was tired of little white lies, or blatant falsehoods that tore him, his team, his family and his world apart. T'Challa had never outwardly lied to Tony, but he never told Tony the truth about where his team had gone after they had disappeared from the Raft. He wasn't going to give T'Challa a chance to hide anything else from him. He was going to find out what was so precious or dangerous that it had to be locked behind doors and monitored more than the whole of the palace. Besides, it wasn't as if he was in danger of making any new enemies by doing it. No one there liked him much anyway.

He initially walked past the door with a slightly curious gaze for the cameras, before shrugging and continuing on. When he was out of sight of the cameras, he pulled his mobile out and began typing furiously. Wakandan technology was advanced, more advanced than most of what Tony had, but when it came to security, Tony was one of the leaders in the world, even over whoever worked for T'Challa. T'Challa should really think about hiring him, assuming he ever found out that Tony had broken into the room.

In a matter of minutes, he had the cameras on a repeating loop of hallway footage, long enough for him to get inside and then setting up another loop to play when he exited. From the layout of the security for the floor, there didn't appear to be any cameras inside the room, an odd decision, though a smart one. Even if someone from the outside hacked the palace's camera feeds, they could not get a look inside the room without going there themselves and the way the cameras outside the door were positioned, they could easily be monitoring the room across, thus hiding the locked room from existence. The room was essentially a secret to all outsiders. That fact only fed Tony's curiosity.

He wasn't surprised that the door opened easily. The lock wasn't a fingerprint scanner, there was no retinal scanning or voice recognition, just a little number pad with a complicated pin number that took Friday over ten minutes to deduce, but was still easy enough to type in quickly. Tony wondered if the room was accessed often. That seemed to be the only reason for such an uncomplicated lock. Tony chewed his lip, so it was kept secret, but accessed often, located in the morgue-like bottom floor of the medical wing. Each new fact made the room's secrets more enticing.

When the doors slid open, Tony was so busy trying to hastily slip inside, he didn't quite get a chance to see what was actually stored in the weird tube in the middle of the room. When his gaze did make it back to the tube, after wandering around the variety of medical supplies and bed in the room, he was floored. There, in the center of the room, eyes closed and strapped down, was the Winter Soldier. Suddenly Tony knew why the room was such a well-kept secret. One couldn't have the Winter Soldier falling into the wrong hands.

James Buchanan Barnes was surprisingly serene looking in his cryogenic sleep, eyes closed softly over lids that were still bruised from a fight that happened over six months ago. He still had evidence of Tony's anger fresh on his skin, a graze on his cheek, and bruises on his exposed arm, neck and collarbones. His left arm was still missing, the open port protected by a cloth covering. It was clear they had stuffed him in here as soon as they got him to Wakanda, not even bothering to let his wounds heal. Neither he not Tony moved in the ensuing silence.

Surprisingly, at the sight of Barnes, Tony no longer felt the hot rush of rage he once felt. Not long after he tried to kill the man for his crimes against his parents, Tony had started doing research on the Winter Soldier. Mainly to uncover more of his sins, to prove that Tony was right, that the Winter Soldier was a monster. He wanted to prove that no matter who he used to be, he was a creature that needed to be locked up or put down. It wasn't hard to build a case against him, the files were all there, every mission report that Hydra had on the Winter Soldier, every kill he had made, from high political officials, to civilians, all compiled in file after file of lovingly detailed, completed mission reports. Tony was feeling pretty justified.

Then he saw the documentation of their methods. There were books written about the proper handling and maintenance of your Winter Soldier and it was all dehumanizing, gruesome and terrible. They tore into his skin, drowned him, revived him, beat him, starved him. They did everything imaginable to break him, to get him to comply. That alone didn't convince Tony though. As a former prisoner himself, he didn't quite understand how physical torture could make one commit the acts that Barnes did. It just made Barnes look weak in comparison. Just because he got tortured, didn't mean he still didn't have a choice in the first place. And although Tony had been close to giving into his own torture, at least Tony never killed anyone innocent to make the pain stop. He certainly never killed any of his friends. What gave Barnes a free pass?

That free pass came in the form of the videos. The true cruelty of the 'wipes,' as they were called in the files, was not readily apparent in the text. They didn't just torture him, they erased him. They shot electricity through his brain until he couldn't say his own name. Even then, they jeered at him, told him it was hopeless, that his friends and family were all dead and that no one was coming for him. They filled him with hopelessness and then provided Hydra as the only alternative. They said this all to a blank slate that sat and shivered with aftershocks and pain and then they did it all over again. They conditioned him, like some sick Pavlovian experiment. Words were said, reactions were expected, and when that did not happen, punishment was administered. That did a good job of dousing the murderous anger in Tony's gut, while also getting him to expel its contents. Bucky Barnes was not volunteer to his torture, and he was not easily broken. He did not just endure physical pain, but the complete and total erasure of himself. He didn't give in until he could not tell that was even alive anymore, let alone that he was human. And even then, he still fought, he still screamed Steve's name and the names of his parents. He still cried, and apologized and shook when he came back to himself in those brief periods before the wipes.

Tony could admit that he was wrong in that respect. He didn't have to forgive Barnes, trust him, or expect him to be harmless, but it did tell Tony that Barnes was truly a victim, not a villain. Tony had no right to say if Barnes could be salvaged, but he knew that he at least was owed a chance before Tony blew him to hell.

It also meant that he did not deserve to be trapped in the icy prison they were keeping him in. What did it solve? It wasn't even punishment. It was just death without death. A convenient place to store him until he was needed. Just like Hydra did.

Tony resolved then to thaw Barnes out. He could work out what happened afterward later. He approached the computer, easily navigating the screens and figuring out the access codes needed to unfreeze the Winter Soldier. There was a beep and a small click, and then the tubing depressurized and slid away, leaving Barnes exposed, stock still, and surrounded by cold mist as the room's temperature adjusted to thaw him out slowly. The computer muttered something to him in Wakandan, but Tony didn't bother translating. He came forward observed Barnes's form, crossing his arms. Barnes's face twitched, and his nostrils flared as he took his small first breath, monitors flickered to life and showed his heart beat and blood pressure slowly climbing as the room warmed him.

Then the door slid open, and Steve burst in. “Bucky!” he shouted, and tackled Tony to the floor. Tony had been training though, had to, since his suit was government property. He slipped out from under Steve before his weight could settle on top of him and scrambled to his feet, pointing his secret, portable gauntlet at him.

“What is this, Steve?” Tony asked in a hard tone. Steve wasn't cowed, standing and trying to tower over him with clenched fists.

“I won't let you kill him!” Steve said, instead of answering.

“Oh, I guess that's you're job, right?” Tony replied. “But you don't have the balls for it, so you just freeze him like a piece of meat. He isn't dead if you just freeze dry him, right? Plus when shit hits the fan, you can just thaw him out and sick him on people who hurt your feelings.”

“What are you-- Tony, this is what he wanted!” Steve shouted back, sounding slightly hurt. “I wouldn't… I wouldn't ever ask Bucky to do this!”

“He wanted this, huh? He tell you that before or after you said the magic words?” Tony demanded. He had no true idea why he was so adamant on defending Barnes, but he knew freezing him out of convenience wasn't right.

At Steve's shocked look, Tony smirked savagely. “Yeah, I read the files, Steve. I saw the videos. I don't think Barnes is quite in the right position to be making decisions for himself.”

“No, Tony...” Steve said, gently, like he was explaining to a child. “He really… really asked for this. He didn't want to have to hurt anyone anymore. The… the trigger words… he said they made him dangerous.”

“He's dangerous with or without the trigger words,” Tony said matter-of-factly. “Doesn't change that this is wrong and you know it.” He motioned to Barnes who was beginning to show signs of stirring. “Let the man kill himself, go to trial, or let him start… atoning… or whatever he wants to call it, but this isn't a solution.”

“I couldn't… I couldn't let him...” Steve bit his lip and breathed heavily through his nose, like he was going to cry then and there. Tony had to resist the knee-jerk urge to comfort him. “You know if he went to trial, they would kill him.”

“Yeah, maybe now, after you both destabilized a government organization and ran from the law,” Tony said bitterly. “I had a deal for you, Rogers. He would go to a place he could get actual help, and we could still stay together as a team!” Tony said harshly. “All you had to do was sign a damn paper!”

“A paper that put us on a leash held by the same people who let Hydra operate directly under their noses. That would tell us where to go and what to do, regardless of who needed help!” Steve argued. “Bucky doesn't belong in an asylum either! He belongs with his friends! Where he can get actual help! Not get experimented on.”

“It was only temporary! We could have negotiated it as a team!” Tony shouted back, waving his arm in frustrated gesture. “And you call this help!? You think this is where he belongs?!” Tony stepped forward, crowding into Steve's face. “Maybe if you had signed that damn paper… Maybe if you hadn't lied and abandoned me in a goddamn frozen Hydra bunker, I could have helped you! Maybe I would have helped you out instead of going after Barnes because I thought both you bastards were just in on it!

“Instead, here we are. The accords can't be changed because nobody fucking sat down to negotiated things in the first place, everyone is on the run, and you've turned your best friend into a popsicle!” Tony slammed his gauntlet on the table, shattering the clear surface of it. “I admit, things did not go the way they should have. I made mistakes, obviously, or I wouldn't be here. But so did you, Captain Stubborn Ass. And everyone is suffering because of it!”

Steve's expression crumpled and he looked down at his feet. Tony would have taken time to preen in victory if he wasn't so steamed. “Now thaw this poor bastard out, and I'll see about getting him deprogrammed, since you know, I'm a genius and that's a thing I can do, and we can start getting this shitstorm cleared up.”

Tony turned to leave, deactivating the gauntlet. It folded cleanly back into a watch at his wrist. “If you'll excuse me, I've gotta get my ex-girlfriend to secretly mail me a package, since I'm a fugitive now.”

“Tony, thank you,” Steve said quietly.

Tony spun on his heel and glared at Steve. “Don't you thank me, you star spangled bastard. I haven't forgiven you yet. I'm doing this for him.” He pointed to Barnes. “And that's only because my mom wouldn't want me to blame him for all the shit he did. Not because I don't.” He turned again, and was met with T'Challa standing in the doorway, partially dressed as Black Panther. He looked somewhat concerned, but also amused. Tony quickly stormed past the Black Panther into the hall.

“You're not off the hook, Rogers,” Tony called as he turned the corner.

As he was walking down the hall, ready to use the palace's secure signal to call Pepper, he heard Barnes's gravelly voice say “He's loud,” and T'Challa's hesitant laughter.

Tony was going to put his team back together, even if he had to drag everyone kicking and screaming to do it, even if he had to relieve Barnes of the guilt for his actions, even if it meant begrudgingly forgiving the Winter Soldier and Steve for their hand in his own situation. He wasn't doing it for his dad's memory of Bucky, or for his mom's forgiving heart, even if that was what he said. He was doing it for himself and everyone was going to have to deal with it.

 

 


	2. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which sleep deprivation loosens Tony's tongue more than liquor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took way too long. This is so angsty. I'm really nervous about the dialogue here, but I'm learning. Feel free to give pointers.
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: descriptions of irresponsible drinking, unhealthy sleeping habits, and general apathy towards life. Also probably some problematic thoughts towards Bucky's general situation on the part of both parties.

James Barnes, Bucky, the Winter Soldier, whatever name he answered to that day, avoided Tony more often than not. Tony wouldn’t have thought so initially, the palace was a big place. Tony hardly saw anyone unless he went looking for them or they, him. It was only when he and Barnes ended up in the same kitchen at the same time in the middle of the night, Tony after a bottle of liquor looking for suitable drunk food and Barnes just hunched over the sink looking like he was planning on puking, did he realize that Barnes was truly avoiding him. As soon as he caught sight of Tony, Barnes practically sprinted out of the kitchen, some unreadable expression on his face. Tony didn’t deign him worth it to go running after.

Eventually though, Tony and Barnes would have to have a confrontation. He couldn’t very well deprogram the guy if he was always running away from him. For the time being though, Tony entertained himself by fiddling with the BARF, sitting in for Rhodey’s physical therapy sessions, staying up for days at a time, and drinking heavily whenever Rhodey wasn’t around to supervise him.

It was during the tail end of one of Tony’s four day non-stop work stints when he and Barnes actually exchanged their first words that weren’t also accompanied by repulsor blasts or fists. Tony wasn’t drunk, he was looking to get drunk, but he wasn’t. Still, he stumbled around like a drunkard, eyes unfocused, balance off and heart pounding. He could begin to feel the familiar niggling bite of anxiety in the back of his brain. He had obviously been up way too long, so he figured he would have a drink and then go to bed.

He sighed when he saw Barnes in the guest kitchen, sat at the breakfast bar looking pensive. He too looked like he hadn’t slept. Though instead of running as soon as he caught sight of Tony, he just sat there. Maybe he thought Tony couldn’t see him in the dark, or maybe he was too tired to care. Tony certainly was.

Tony’s epic quest for liquor was going surprisingly well, until it came time to navigate the complicated system of cabinets that made up the pantry. Tony had only taken three steps before he tripped over a large bag of flour and fallen flat on his face. He didn’t think he was on the floor for too long, but when he looked behind himself to glare at the flour, he found Barnes’s socked feet behind the tripping corner of the flour bag.

“Go ‘way, Barnes. Aren’t you ‘sposed to be avoiding me or sompin’?” Tony asked with a heavy tongue. Barnes didn’t reply, only reached forward and helped Tony to his feet.

“Just because I’m a bloodthirsty monster, doesn’t mean I can leave a drunk guy laid out in the pantry,” Barnes said lowly, surprising Tony, “You’d die of embarrassment, and I ain’t taking responsibility for that. I’ve been keeping a good record.”

Tony chuckled sardonically, but accepted Barnes’s hand. “Wouldn’t be your fault. You’re just a bystander.”

“If you see it happen, and you don’t do anything about it, ain’t it partially your fault?” Barnes commented.

He helped Tony out of the pantry, one arm thrown over his broad shoulders, but instead of just dropping him near the kitchen counter like Tony expected, he continued to walk, carrying Tony along with him. “You get that from Steve?” Tony asked, to stop himself from asking if Barnes planned to kill him.

“Guess so,” Barnes said neutrally, “Not like I followed it.”

Tony blinked up at Barnes, watching his mouth bend downward into a small frown. There was something meaningful about that sentence that Tony couldn’t quite parse in his sleep-deprived state.

“I… I don’t blame you,” Tony said, mouth moving on its own, “It’s… weird… I don’t forgive you, but I don’t blame you for their deaths… so what am I not forgiving you for…?”

“There’s a lot I’ve done that doesn’t deserve to be forgiven,” Barnes said, again in that neutral tone of his, not careless, but not full of regret either. It was almost blank. “You should though, blame me. It was me that did it.”

“You weren’t… what do they call it… in control,” Tony said haltingly.

“I was. Was my hands, my body, following their orders. I didn’t question it. I just did it,” Barnes said again. There was a long pause as they turned down another hallway, “I should have let you kill me… would have… if Steve hadn’t had told me to run.”

“It wasn’t you, though. I can prove it,” Tony insisted childishly. He paused to yawn. “Got this thing, called BARF. It can… it can prove that by replaying your memories. I’ll put it on you and then I’ll be able to forgive you,” he rambled needlessly.

“You’re welcome to put barf on me if that’ll make you feel better,” Bucky said. Tony could almost hear his smirk. “But if you’re looking for a reason to forgive me, you’re not gonna find it in my memories,” he finished, sounding grim.

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do,” Tony challenged stubbornly. They walked slowly through a doorway and before Tony knew it, he was being deposited in his bed.

“You can do what you want. I’ll let you,” Barnes said. “So long as it doesn’t hurt anyone, but me, I’ll let you,” he was quick to correct, “But for right now, you gotta sleep.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Tony snapped petulantly, though he did not sit up after he was laid down, “You don’t know shit.” He realized belatedly that they were in his room, on his barely used bed.

“True,” Bucky snorted, “But I know you haven’t slept in days. I know what that can do to your head. I know you need to sleep before you start hallucinating. It’s not fun.”

“Fine. I’ll sleep, but not because you said so,” Tony said, eyes already closed.

“Whatever. As long as you sleep,” Bucky said quietly.

He was halfway out of the room before Tony spoke again. “Why the fuck do you care anyway?” Tony asked, throwing an arm over his face.

“Maybe I’ve seen what no sleep for days can do to people,” Barnes said, still walking. His next sentence made him pause, though, “Or maybe I care about you.”

“If you’re trying to atone, you’re wasting your time,” Tony said matter-of-factly.

“Ain’t nothing I can do to wipe away all that blood,” Barnes agreed, a hint of Brooklyn seeping into his voice. It made Tony’s heart hurt inexplicably. Was this how Steve felt every time a small amount of Bucky shown through the programming? “Just got a problem with people beating themselves up,” he says, voice quiet.

“M’not beating myself up,” Tony pointed out.

Barnes snorted again. “I ain’t got any idea as to why, but I know you have. Might as well be taking a whip to your own back with how much you’re putting yourself through.” Tony can hear the sound of him leaning against the doorway. “I don’t pretend to know you or your problems, but helping me isn’t going to fix them. If that’s why you’re doing this… stop. Kill me, or freeze me again, I don’t have much preference, but don’t help me because you think it’ll right some wrong. There’s no way to do that. The past is just that. And you shouldn’t be focusing that kind of energy on me anyway.”

“Why? Because you don’t deserve it?” Tony asked, sitting up slightly and peering at the other man with narrowed eyes.

“Exactly,” Barnes said, like Tony had settled on the solution to some great puzzle.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Tony said, staring at Barnes with a hard look.

“This is why I liked you, Tony,” Barnes said suddenly, leaning more heavily into the doorframe. His face suddenly looked very tired and old beyond his biological years. “Didn’t treat me like a victim when I wasn’t. Looked at me the way I ought to be looked at. Since you came here, you’ve been changing that. It’s dangerous. I’m a weapon, one that can be turned against you with no warning. One that won’t even have the courtesy to feel when it kills you. I don’t care what you think you know about my past, or who I used to be. Doesn’t change what I am. It doesn’t change that I’m dangerous and I’ve got the gall to keep strutting around here like I belong.” His voice is quiet, but full of feeling.

“Been betrayed by closer people for less,” Tony said in reply, thinking painfully of Obadiah and then Steve, “I’ve seen the videos, Barnes. I know what they did to you.”

“Not an excuse,” Barnes says firmly.

“Maybe not, but it’s enough for me,” Tony said, coming to a realization. “Proves to me that you need help. And this conversation right now, proves to me that you’re not a monster, even if you pretend to be.”

“I ain’t pretending, Stark,” Barnes said harshly, stalking into the room again. He walked like a predator, smooth movement in the dark, eyes fixed on Tony. “I did all those things. It don’t matter what they did to me to make it happen. I could do them, and I did them.” He hovered over Tony, but there was no menace. His shoulders were slumped in visibly bone deep exhaustion.

Tony didn’t move. He didn’t try to protect himself, just let his eyes run over Barnes’s defeated form. “If I told you to go kill General Ross. If I outfitted you with a new left arm and a whole armory. Would you do it?” Tony asked suddenly, matching Bucky’s intense stare.

“No,” Barnes said almost immediately, “I don’t… I don’t do that anymore.”

“Why?” Tony asked again, completely disabling his hard taught verbal filter, “Why not?”

“Because… Because I just… I just don’t,” Barnes said hesitantly.

“But you’re not even killing someone good. He’s not my dad. He’s not anyone’s dad. Maybe he has a family, but do they really love him, you think? Who could love General Ross?” Tony explained. “He hurt Steve and his friends. Why not kill him?” Tony repeated. 

“I just don’t!” Barnes shouted with a harsh finality that made the room seem very quiet in comparison afterward, “I don’t do that anymore. I won’t.”

“The Winter Soldier would,” Tony said firmly, “What makes you so different?”

Tony jumped when Bucky’s fist went through the wall by his head and he breathed heavily through his nose. When he looked back at Tony, there were tears shimmering at the corners of his eyes. “That’s why I don’t deserve it. I don’t know why. We’re not different. We’re the same. I am the Winter Soldier,” he gasped as he stumbled away from Tony’s bed, looking for all the world like the drunk one, “What’s stopping me? Consequences? What am I proving?”

“If you can’t answer those questions yourself, there probably isn’t an answer,” Tony said bluntly, “I’m not ready to forgive you yet, and I don’t think that’d help you any anyway. But I’m not blind. I see what’s in front of me, Barnes.” Tony leaned up on his hands and knees, watching Barnes shrink away and tremble from his place across the room.

“And what is that?” Barnes asked quietly, voice barely a whisper.

“I see a victim,” Tony said without hesitation. “That’s not what you want me to see and that’s definitely not what I want to see, but it is. I see someone who had everything taken away and forced to do things they didn’t want to. The Winter Soldier isn’t a monster, he’s a victim. You’re a victim, Barnes. And you need help. If you don’t let me give it to you, then at least commit yourself to a Wakandan therapist or Wilson or something, jesus.”

Barnes frowned. “You’re wasting your time,” he murmured.

“Yeah, maybe, but it’s not your business to be telling me who I waste my time on,” Tony said with a cheeky smirk.

  
Barnes didn’t reply, only gave Tony one last look before he walked out of the room, legs still trembling and weak, betraying the unstable chaos no doubt going on in his head. Tony spoke as he left, “Why couldn’t my parents get themselves killed by an actual villain. Leave it to my old man to continually make things hard on me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One final note: I am aware that General Ross has a kid and whether Tony does or not is up for interpretation, I suppose.


End file.
